Billy Wins Special Olympics, Loses Self-Respect
Billy Hamilton of Sioux Falls, S.D. was unable to enjoy his gold medal in the wheelchair race, since his win was tainted with guilt. In a statement issued this morning, he explained: "I was so excited, and Michelle pulled ahead of me, so I just rammed her, rammed her real good with my wheelchair, and she toppled over. Everyone pretended not to notice."
Not two hours after Hamilton's statement was made public, the silver medalist was disqualified, having testing positive for steroids.