Hurricane Beryl Turns into a Totally Lame Tropical Storm

After much anticipation, Hurricane Beryl has decided that even she can't afford to hit the high-priced stores of Manhattan. Many East Coast residents expressed disappointment at the hurricane's no-show. "I mean, we were pretty excited. This was going to be the biggest thing since Hurricane Katrina," said Boston, Mass. resident Melinda Hale, "and now it's nothing but a tropical storm? I mean, what the hell is that, anyway?"

Jake Spillman, also of Boston, Mass., added, "Yeah, and a lot more people live on the East Coast than in Louisiana! It would've been pretty cool, if you ask me."

After hearing the National Weather Service's downgrade, country singers nationwide shelved their Hurricane Beryl relief theme songs, saving the already penned lyrics of hope, support, and unwavering patriotism for the next national disaster.