The Pope Does Coke

The erratic behavior of Pope Benedict has caught the attention of media hounds and Catholics alike in the past few weeks, especially amid new allegations of drug abuse in the Vatican.

Eddie Maceli of Queens, N.Y., believes there is truth to the hype, saying: "It makes sense. I mean, he's pretty old. He runs all over the place, crossing himself and blessing everyone...his arms probably get pretty tired. Where else could he get all that energy?"

Some would argue that his energy source is in fact divine, but according to one source, "Benedict has a little ritual, everyone close to him knows about it. Before he snorts a line, he says 'The Lord giveth,' and then after he's finished he says 'and the Lord taketh away.'"

Further evidence includes frequent trips to the bathroom to "freshen up" and late night jogs with Kate Moss.